Saturday, June 19, 2010

I'll Never Be Alone In My Mind Again

"I'll never be alone in my mind again." This is what I said to my husband last night when we were at a Phillies game together. The Phillies had just hit a homerun and my husband and I jumped up and slapped each other five. He looked at me smiling as he said, "This is just like old times; it's just like last year before we had the baby." "Well, not quite," I replied, "Last year I could sit back and enjoy the game with no worries...I just can't stop thinking about how Aubrey is doing!"

My husband has no problem leaving Aubrey with a babysitter. He fully trusts that she will be fine and all will be well. And he is right, it will be fine. But for some reason, I always have her little face in my mind, wondering if she's okay. While I knew that our baby was safe at my Dad's house, I kept thinking of all the things that may happen. I even called my younger 20something brother (who has no kids) to go and hang out with them. I should mention that my brother has been dubbed as "The Baby Whisperer". He is a natural with babies and kids of all ages. Probably because he is still a big kid himself! When Aubrey was born, he used to tell ME tips on how to take care of a newborn. So, I had my brother go over there and check on help my Dad. Sure enough, my bro texted me saying how Aubrey wouldn't go to sleep because she was too busy laughing and being happy.

On the car ride home, I was telling Justin how this is just the beginning. I will probably worry when she first goes off to school, when she attends her first sleepover, when she takes a trip with her friends in high school, and Lord knows I won't sleep a wink when she goes off to college. Would it be wrong to encourage community college as an option...

A big part of becoming a parent is that you are never again alone in your thoughts. Every single thing you do revolves around the thought, "Is this good for my baby/or family?" It will never again be about what's best for you. And honestly, when you have children, it really should be about their needs and priorities over your own. I am not an advocate for throwing away who you are when you have a baby, but you just can't stop the natural instinct to put aside your own wants for your child's needs. Being a mom is 24/7...physically, emotionally, and mentally. This must be why it is so draining and seems to age women twice as quickly as their childless counterparts!

The Center of My World!

1 comment:

  1. I'm in tears at this one! So sweet!! I feel that way already and she's not even here yet!